The Colbert Report/Episode/580
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert has bad news * Al Franken must be certified as a US Senator * the court rushed into the decision so soon ** its' only been 7 months ** so close after Michael Jackson's death, no one's thinking clearly * the state hadn't split in two yet * Coleman could have appealed to the Supreme Court * Mullahs in Iran could have come up with a different vote count * Franken gloated ** what a fucking asshole SEGMENT2 * America is rolling the dice with a ** we're still fighting two wars *** War on Christmas *** War on Easter * The War On 4th Of July ** not enough time to do a new graphic *** gun toting Jesus appropriate for any holiday * Proud history being undermined ** Benjamin Schroeder *** suing city * pyrotechnics could last for weeks ** won't have to bring pot to the celebration * Schroeder claims 4th of July may harm local wildlife ** we liberated wildlife from the British *** without us, wildlife would be BennyHillified SEGMENT3 * Is It Time To Care About Soccer? * Stephen never cared until we became good at it ** US beat Spain 2-1 * used a metaphor to describe the match * soccer is so ingrained in Brazilian culture ** can't be born without having to get passed a goalie * after showing some exciting highlights, dr. Colbert awoke wondering if he had grown a beard * show team pride ** PRO fun scarves *** beer is warm and cost 3 pounds (plus 2 more for tax) * CON players must be in shape * CON low scores * PRO rioting ** violence can break out at any time * American soccer super stud Alexi Lalas * transitive property of defeat America is champs of the world * why care about soccer ** beautiful game * get the rest of the world to call it soccer * Grenada * Honduras * Haiti * later U.S. in Mexico ** the U.S. has never won in Mexico * WE'RE GOING TO WIN THE WORLD CUP! Interview * Kevin Mattson ** book: "What the Heck Are You Up To, Mr. President?': Jimmy Carter, America's 'Malaise, ' and the Speech That Should Have Changed the Country" ** thinks Jimmy Carter was a "good President" just like Iran-Contra was an "opportunity" * the speech was longer than the title of his book * Carter used the word malaise * July 15th, 1979 ** consumerism ** dependence on foreign oil * Stephen would not say Carter ** he's a Reagan man * Reagan Good! Carter Bad! * 2 days later he fired his entire cabinet * the book is about a speech ** bumped up 11% in the polls * the original Blame America Firster * if your wife asks if her pants make her look fat, you don't tell her she looks fat * Reagan ripped solar panels off the White House * there were no words in the speech * America had a problems at the time ** didn't feel good about herself ** the pride came back with Reagan * with freedom, nothing is free * Carter: worst president? Or Worstest President? Epilogue * Dr. Colbert wishes farewell to David Souter ** and a great retirement with Norm Coleman Gallery File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: File: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments